There are myriad kinds of love, but most people seek it’s expression in romantic relationship with compatible partner. These relations are most meaningful part of their lives, providing a source of deep fulfillment. The ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. A great deal of evidence suggests that the ability to form a stable relationship begins in infancy, in a child’s earliest experiences with a caregiver who reliably meets the infant’s needs for food, social contact, care, protection and stimulation. Those relationships aren’t destiny, but they appear to establish patterns of relating to others. Failed relationship is often a source of great psychological anguish. Most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make them flourish.
COMMUNICATION, RESPECT, QUALITY TIME (not QUANTITY), TIME APART, LOVE LANGUAGES, APPRECIATION, POSTIVE Vs. NEGATIVE, CHOOSING YOUR BATTLES, SEX, NO COMPARISONS are the basic mantras that make a healthy romantic relationship differing from couple to couple. And unfortunately it doesn’t happen overnight. For any, relationship to grow strong and stay strong, you always need to put in some efforts. In fact a lot of them!
One spends more time on the first two stages that are the romance stage (drug addiction phase) and the power struggle stage (the love hangover) than the remaining stages that are the stability stage, the commitment stage and bliss/ co creation stage. Because those are the relationship stages that most couples never get past. Are you in a new relationship? Or are you in a seasoned relationship with someone you’ve been with for several years? It doesn’t matter how long your relationship has lasted, because all relationships go through several phases.
First, is the phase which almost starts with an intense attraction and uncontrollable urge to be with each other, both of you may love the cuddles and each other’s company. In the infatuation phase, both of you overlook any flaws of each other and only focus on good sides. Second, the understanding stage where both of you start getting to know each other better. You talk about everything ranging from favorite food to families, exes and the list is endless. Also, the life seems to be beautiful and romantic. Then comes the third phase, the phase of disturbances. This is usually when both of you had confronted each other for the first time, over a fight. Next, is the opinion phase where the partners create opinions about one another. As time passes by, both of you know what to expect by one another. Whereas, these expectations about your partner differ in reality leaving you ecstatic or depressed.
The next phase is the moulding stage, where you have your expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to mould each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. If the relationship survives the moulding phase, both of you may have changed enough for each other and changed your expectations. The next stage is the happy stage, in this the relationship sails smoothly and both of you are blissfully happy with each other. Now that it has been a long time since you’re in a relationship, the stage of doubts creeps in. you start thinking about your past relationships, future prospectives. In this stage you tie your life with the relationship; if you’re unhappy, you blame it on the relationship. Also, you start making comparisons with other couples and so on.
Next is the bust stage or the stage of sexual exploration. In this phase your sex life starts to play a pivotal role. In this stage, you either give up on passionate sex or constantly look for ways to make sex more exciting. The final is the stage of complete trust, this is a happy phase when both of you love each other and trust each other completely. As pleasant as this final stage of love maybe, it’s still no excuse to take each other lightly or stop appreciating each other, because love is an intense emotion that can be rekindled by anyone else at any time if you fail to express your romance to your lover.
-Genjourist Annie Joshi